Dreams

I think I may know one thing that contributed to my unrest this week. Or was perhaps caused by my unrest. I was bombarded with an unusual number of unusual dreams this week.

Dreams are not unusual for me. I have them frequently. But lately, with life being as busy as it is, I don't normally have them every night, and when I do dream, I don't usually remember much about the dream, if I remember anything at all. And none of them are ever normal. Strange things are always happening. But my dreams this week were consistently more vivid and more abnormal than what comes in an average week.

Here's a vague rundown of some of the things I encountered in dreamland this week:

I know this happened at least once, although I'm thinking it may have happened more than once...some random guy hitting on me. And no matter what I did, and no matter how clearly I made my thoughts and feelings known, the guy just didn't get the point and kept coming. And to be perfectly candid, it progressed beyond hitting on me to an even more uncomfortable territory. I'll spare you the details. I think you get the picture.

I'm pretty sure there was some death mixed in there. Amongst other terrifying things. Someone's always in trouble, or in pain. Sometimes it's just me, but most often it's a group that I may or may not be a part of, or one specific person other than myself. And I'm always trying to figure out what to do.

And just strange things in general. It's like a science-fiction circus decided to parade around my brain.

What's the worst is that when I have really vivid dreams like the ones I had this week, they follow me around. What I mean by that is, I can't stop thinking about them. They're always forefront in my mind. It makes it really hard to concentrate, because I can't focus on anything else. And if I happen to see any of the people that were in the dream, that's even worse. I can't look at or speak to them without thinking about what I just dreamed.

So I think that may have been at least part of the cause of my distress this week. There's nothing like going to school and trying to paying attention to the professor and being able to think of nothing but some guy who was harrassing you while you slept. Not to mention, I've noticed that the nights when I have the most fitful sleep are nights when I dream the most.

While we're on the subject of dreams, this reminds me of the song "15" by downhere. In that song, Marc Martel is focusing on fame, pursuing fame. I do have dreams centered around fame, my fame, every once in a while, but most often they feature things like explosions and weddings and get-togethers with friends, that have nothing to do with me or anyone else being famous. But Marc asks a question in that song that I find myself asking about all my of my dreams,
"...in my waking I know better, but if dreams are like desires then why's it even in my heart that I wanna be famous for a minute...or fifteen?" Why's it in my heart that my friends are all getting sick, or serial killers are massacaring my town, or my family members are going insane, or that guys are stalking me, or that I'm suddenly able to fly around the room, or even something as innocent as two of my closest friends falling in love? What inspires all of those things? I don't go around thinking about them during the day. I don't obsess over them, they're not ever anything I worry about. I don't ever wish they would occur. So from where do they, the good, bad and indifferent, come?

I don't know that I'll ever get an answer, but I still wonder....