Today was an excellent day. :)
Firstly, I was in a good mood. And I have found that when I start a day in a good mood, it tends to continue throughout the day and generally make my day go a lot better, as was the case today.
Secondly, I loved what I wore today. I don't always put much thought into my clothing. I have be in the right mood. But when that right mood comes together with fun clothes, it just makes the good mood grow even more.
Thirdly, it snowed! Or...Es schneit!...for all you Germanically inclined. It wasn't much snow and it disappeared very quickly, but it was still wonderful.
Fourthly, I felt very productive. The messy room I was lamenting last night is a thing of the past. All of my clean clothes are put away and my dirty ones have been gathered together and taken away to be washed. That's the most notable productive thing I did today, and there were also several other things I accomplished that I will fore go mentioning in favor of cutting down on the rambling.
Fifthly, I didn't have a huge homework weight hanging over me. I do have homework that will have to be done at some point, but nothing that's too pressing. It'll be pressing tomorrow, but for today, I had a reprieve. It was nice.
Sixthly, I got a package in the mail today. An exciting package. A Disney-filled package. I won a contest that one of my favorite podcasts did a while back, and they finally sent me my prize this week. I got a button from the podcast, a little plastic Donald Duck, and a Sorcerer Mickey lanyard medal (that still has the Disneyland price tag on it, by the way)!!!
Seventhly, I listened to Thunder After Lightning, by none other than downhere, today. It's an album of demos that they decided to release as a treat for the fans, and I've been wanting it for a really long time. I got it in the mail a week ago, but I was too busy to listen to it until this evening. It was amazing. Those guys never disappoint. If I ever thought that I couldn't be a bigger fan, I've been proven wrong. All those other times that I said I loved downhere, I didn't know what I was saying. Now I love them.
Eighthly, I had a good singing day. If you don't know by now, I sing a lot and a little more and a little more and a little more. But even though I sing all the time, it doesn't mean that I think I sound good all the time. There are moments when I actually think I'm quite rubbishy. Everybody has their off days. But this was not one of those days. I've been hanging out around my room this evening, like I tend to do, singing up a storm, and I found myself liking what I was hearing. That always puts me in a good mood, and since I was already in a good mood, it increased even more.
I like days like these.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Mess maker, mess maker, make me a mess!
One thing I have learned about myself is that I cannot function without making a mess. In everything that I do, if I expect to accomplish anything, there is going to be a mess made. Which is fine. I just have to make sure that I clean up as soon as each task is complete, otherwise all the messes will start compiling and get out of control and make it impossible for me to do anything, which is the predicament that I find myself to be in at the moment.
Since school started nearly two weeks ago, my life has become messier and messier. I feel disorganized in the way that I've been doing things and my physical surroundings (e.g. my room) I think are affecting that. I have clothes littering various spots of my room, clean ones mixed in with dirty ones. My desk chair is piled high, which therefore means that I can't sit at my desk which is definitely inhibiting my work. And even if I could get to my desk, it's cluttered with stuff that would prevent me from using it.
Even though I very desperately need to get things cleaned up in order to function, I've been so busy that I can't seem to find the time to do that. But I know that if I get things cleaned up, it won't take me so long to do things because I won't have to be compensating for the craziness and I'll have more time for other things. And in all honesty, I could probably have my room cleaned up in about an hour or two. So why haven't I? Because an hour or two is hard to find. And when I do find them, I'm too overwhelmed to even start. And I tell myself "Surely I'll have more time to do that later."
I need to be disciplined. I know that my life doesn't have to be perfect and it never will, but I still need to not let things get out of control.
With that being said, I am grateful that this can happen and my reaction is not to have a nervous breakdown. In the not-so-distant past, that's how I would have reacted. Actually, I probably wouldn't have let it get this bad and I would have beat my brains out trying to make sure everything was perfect. Which is not the way to go. My current state is not the way to go either, but I prefer it to being uptight and anal and causing myself unneeded stress.
Balance. That's what I need.
Since school started nearly two weeks ago, my life has become messier and messier. I feel disorganized in the way that I've been doing things and my physical surroundings (e.g. my room) I think are affecting that. I have clothes littering various spots of my room, clean ones mixed in with dirty ones. My desk chair is piled high, which therefore means that I can't sit at my desk which is definitely inhibiting my work. And even if I could get to my desk, it's cluttered with stuff that would prevent me from using it.
Even though I very desperately need to get things cleaned up in order to function, I've been so busy that I can't seem to find the time to do that. But I know that if I get things cleaned up, it won't take me so long to do things because I won't have to be compensating for the craziness and I'll have more time for other things. And in all honesty, I could probably have my room cleaned up in about an hour or two. So why haven't I? Because an hour or two is hard to find. And when I do find them, I'm too overwhelmed to even start. And I tell myself "Surely I'll have more time to do that later."
I need to be disciplined. I know that my life doesn't have to be perfect and it never will, but I still need to not let things get out of control.
With that being said, I am grateful that this can happen and my reaction is not to have a nervous breakdown. In the not-so-distant past, that's how I would have reacted. Actually, I probably wouldn't have let it get this bad and I would have beat my brains out trying to make sure everything was perfect. Which is not the way to go. My current state is not the way to go either, but I prefer it to being uptight and anal and causing myself unneeded stress.
Balance. That's what I need.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
25 Random Things About Me
I think my wondering in my last post may be coming true, because here I am posting another blog in the same night.
I just put this up on Facebook and thought I'd stick it here, too. Only I won't put all the rules about tagging and such, just the 25 random things I talked about. I hope it's informative. Enjoy.
1) Overall, I think I am one of the least vain people you will ever meet, but I love my hair. A lot. And I think I have a subconscious fear that one day my love of my hair is going to get me in trouble. Something about pride and falling comes to mind. I have a habit of falling and I don't particularly like it, so I don't really need or want any other reasons to do so.
2) Wearing shoes drives me nuts, but I'm still a girl and as such I have the tendency to like shoes. But that leads to me having shoes in my closet that I love to look at, but never wear. And I'm way too cheap and have too much common sense to buy shoes that I never wear. So I content myself with admiring them on other people's feet, at the store, and in other people's closets.
3) I want to take a road trip across the United States of America. I've only been to a handful of the states, and most of them have been in the South, so I'd like to see the sights and experience the widely diverse cultures of my home country. After that, I want to do the same thing in Canada and then head up to the last state I can get to by car, Alaska. I'd drive to Hawaii if I could.
4) I have a thing for Canada...it's kinda weird. I know very little about it, but I'm strangely attracted to it. I'm quite pleased to be an American, but I think there's a part of me that would rather be a Canadian. Maybe I can be an honorary Canadian. That would be cool. I'll have to go there first.
5) Accents fascinate me. I have a strange one because it changes so much. I don't know why it happens, but my accent will change in mid-sentence. And I cover the spectrum. I think I generally have a pretty neutral American accent, but my Southern comes out sometimes. And I also tend to favor a touch of Canadian. Hmmm...I wonder why....
6) Language, and by extension words, also fascinate me. I like knowing where words come from, their structure, how people use them, the different shades of meaning they carry, how they are put together to construct a sentence and convey ideas...I can't get enough. And I'm currently learning German and I've been having a blast digging into these same concepts in a brand new language. Maybe I'll be fluent one day and I can call myself bilingual. How cool would that be?
7) I assume because of my love of words, spelling is one of my favorite things to do. I was asked to create a superhero for an activity in Sunday School once, and it was a girl of course, and one of her superpowers was infallible spelling. I am such a geek.
8) I like kids. Very much. And I tend to like things that kids like. Here are a few examples: my favorite books are the ones in the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling; I don't watch much TV, but half the time when I do turn it on, I watch Disney Channel; I think the Jonas Brothers are cool; speaking of Disney, I like all things Disney not just the television station...most of my favorite movies are Disney movies; I can sing VeggieTales with the best of them, and I even have a VeggieTales poster on my wall.
9) My eating habits even reflect that of a child. Some time ago, I would not have said that I was a picky eater, and regardless of whether I was or not, I have become one. There is a very small spectrum of foods that I like to eat and most of it can be categorized as "little kid food." I do not have sophisticated tastes at all. In fact, I tend to want to avoid nice restaurants because I just don't like what they have to offer. I'd much rather go to McDonalds and get some McNuggets. Or Chick-Fil-A and get a chicken sandwich. Or a Burger King chicken sandwich. Can you tell I like chicken?
10) I also like cereal. It is by far my favorite food. I have become accustomed to eating at least one bowl a day. Usually for breakfast, but sometimes for dinner, maybe lunch. Sometimes I even eat it for two meals a day, today being an example of that. I had Honey Comb for breakfast and dinner. Wanna know what I had for lunch? Baked beans and Wavy Lays. And then I ate some birthday cake. My eating habits even sound strange to me, so I'm sure they sound strange to you.
11) I eat spaghetti with a spoon. I eat pancakes with a spoon. I eat most things with a spoon, because I just like spoons. Forks are alright, but they're too pointy. Spoons are nice and round and much more aesthetically pleasing and don't injure my mouth.
12) I don't normally give much thought to automobiles, but there are two that I really want. I want a VW Bus. Preferably one where the windows in the front that comprise the windshield open slightly. And I want it to be green. Bright green. I also want a VW Bug. I haven't really decided if I want a new one or old one. If I get a new one, I can get a convertible. But I'd be pleased with either one. And I want it to be orange. Bright orange. A dream that may come true one day, but I'll be fine if it doesn't.
13) I'm completely clumsy. My most serious injuries have been the results of falling, which I have done many times in my life.
14) I think my clumsiness explains how messy I am at times. I tend to do just about everything in a messy fashion. I can't seem to escape it. I do clean up afterward, but as long as I'm trying to get something done, I've had to learn to content myself with the fact that I am going to make a mess.
15) I mentioned my common sense earlier, and usually with common sense comes things like practicality and level-headedness, and I possess those as well. So it's probably more surprising to me than anyone else how much I have come to love the band downhere. It goes quite against my nature. I have become a self-proclaimed fangirl. It was very off-putting at first and still is at times. I was not aware that I was capable of being a fangirl before this happened. But apparently I am. I tend to make weird faces when I listen to them, mostly of a smiling nature. And I make weird noises, most commonly squealing ones. Oh, and these guys are all from Canada.....
16) I'm a big sap. The strangest things will make me cry as well as the least strange things. For me to go a week without crying is all but unheard of. And I'm always surprised that I don't do it around people any more than I do, because I frequently feel my eyes start to burn and get a little misty, but most of the time it stops there and people don't notice that I just about had a breakdown. I don't mind people witnessing me break down, but I figure it probably makes them more uncomfortable than it does me, so for their sakes, I'm glad it doesn't happen all the time.
17) I've toyed with the idea of not having a TV when I move out on my own, because I have better things to do and I figure it'll just take up space and collect dust from a lack of use.
18) I really and truly have to sing. I do like doing it, but I think that even if I didn't like doing it and thought I sounded terrible all the time, I would still have to do it. When I go for extended periods of time without singing, I can tell in that I feel really bad and I feel like something's missing. I feel as if I've been holding my breath and I need to get air or I'll die. That sounds really dramatic and almost makes me want to erase it, but it's true. I guess no one can avoid drama, even the ones most devoted to escaping it, such as myself.
19) I have weird eyes. In my opinion. They're very, very small and set deeply into my face. I think they make me look pretty lazy-eyed and tired a lot of the time because I can't open them any wider. If a person's eyes are bright, it makes them seem much brighter. Mine are definitely not bright.
20) I don't know this to be a fact, but I have a feeling that my quietness leads people to assume that I'm afraid to say certain things and that I'm easily embarrassed, but both of those things are not the case. I'll talk about just about anything under the sun and I'm not afraid to say things that sound kinda odd, and there are few things about myself that I will not be willing to share with anyone. I just don't speak much or volunteer much information. I usually have to be prompted to say something. And I have absolutely no problem with making a fool myself. I do it daily because I am such an awkward person, so if I was ever inclined to be embarrassed, I got over it a long time ago.
21) Speaking of 21, that is the age I will be on my next birthday. That doesn't seem right. Wasn't I 4-years-old last week? This whole aging thing is strange.
22) My taste in music is quite eclectic. I like a wide-variety of music spanning across all genres and styles. Everything under the sun is a fitting description.
23) When I'm focusing on something or concentrating or something along those lines, I make a weird face. I tend to look either angry or intense or upset or bored, and I have a habit of being really short with people. A friend of mine thought that I got mad at him out of the blue one time. I really don't mean to do it, and I try to make a conscious effort not to. Just know that I'm not the type to get mad, so if I ever start acting strange that's probably why. I apologize.
24) I've been told before that I am one of the most self-assured, confident people ever and that really threw me off, because confidence is not something I equate with myself. As I mentioned earlier, I'm a really awkward person and that combined with my personality leads me to feel like I rarely ever do anything in a confident manner. But I do live in my awkwardness and quirkiness and have embraced who I am. And I'm comfortable in my own skin...as comfortable as one can be while feeling awkward. So I guess that's self-assurance and perhaps confidence. The jury's still out on that one, though.
25) My favorite movie is The Wizard of Oz. And I haven't watched it in a really long time. Years, I think. I need to do something about that. If anyone else likes The Wizard of Oz and would like to watch it with me, let me know and we can get together and have a movie night.
I just put this up on Facebook and thought I'd stick it here, too. Only I won't put all the rules about tagging and such, just the 25 random things I talked about. I hope it's informative. Enjoy.
1) Overall, I think I am one of the least vain people you will ever meet, but I love my hair. A lot. And I think I have a subconscious fear that one day my love of my hair is going to get me in trouble. Something about pride and falling comes to mind. I have a habit of falling and I don't particularly like it, so I don't really need or want any other reasons to do so.
2) Wearing shoes drives me nuts, but I'm still a girl and as such I have the tendency to like shoes. But that leads to me having shoes in my closet that I love to look at, but never wear. And I'm way too cheap and have too much common sense to buy shoes that I never wear. So I content myself with admiring them on other people's feet, at the store, and in other people's closets.
3) I want to take a road trip across the United States of America. I've only been to a handful of the states, and most of them have been in the South, so I'd like to see the sights and experience the widely diverse cultures of my home country. After that, I want to do the same thing in Canada and then head up to the last state I can get to by car, Alaska. I'd drive to Hawaii if I could.
4) I have a thing for Canada...it's kinda weird. I know very little about it, but I'm strangely attracted to it. I'm quite pleased to be an American, but I think there's a part of me that would rather be a Canadian. Maybe I can be an honorary Canadian. That would be cool. I'll have to go there first.
5) Accents fascinate me. I have a strange one because it changes so much. I don't know why it happens, but my accent will change in mid-sentence. And I cover the spectrum. I think I generally have a pretty neutral American accent, but my Southern comes out sometimes. And I also tend to favor a touch of Canadian. Hmmm...I wonder why....
6) Language, and by extension words, also fascinate me. I like knowing where words come from, their structure, how people use them, the different shades of meaning they carry, how they are put together to construct a sentence and convey ideas...I can't get enough. And I'm currently learning German and I've been having a blast digging into these same concepts in a brand new language. Maybe I'll be fluent one day and I can call myself bilingual. How cool would that be?
7) I assume because of my love of words, spelling is one of my favorite things to do. I was asked to create a superhero for an activity in Sunday School once, and it was a girl of course, and one of her superpowers was infallible spelling. I am such a geek.
8) I like kids. Very much. And I tend to like things that kids like. Here are a few examples: my favorite books are the ones in the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling; I don't watch much TV, but half the time when I do turn it on, I watch Disney Channel; I think the Jonas Brothers are cool; speaking of Disney, I like all things Disney not just the television station...most of my favorite movies are Disney movies; I can sing VeggieTales with the best of them, and I even have a VeggieTales poster on my wall.
9) My eating habits even reflect that of a child. Some time ago, I would not have said that I was a picky eater, and regardless of whether I was or not, I have become one. There is a very small spectrum of foods that I like to eat and most of it can be categorized as "little kid food." I do not have sophisticated tastes at all. In fact, I tend to want to avoid nice restaurants because I just don't like what they have to offer. I'd much rather go to McDonalds and get some McNuggets. Or Chick-Fil-A and get a chicken sandwich. Or a Burger King chicken sandwich. Can you tell I like chicken?
10) I also like cereal. It is by far my favorite food. I have become accustomed to eating at least one bowl a day. Usually for breakfast, but sometimes for dinner, maybe lunch. Sometimes I even eat it for two meals a day, today being an example of that. I had Honey Comb for breakfast and dinner. Wanna know what I had for lunch? Baked beans and Wavy Lays. And then I ate some birthday cake. My eating habits even sound strange to me, so I'm sure they sound strange to you.
11) I eat spaghetti with a spoon. I eat pancakes with a spoon. I eat most things with a spoon, because I just like spoons. Forks are alright, but they're too pointy. Spoons are nice and round and much more aesthetically pleasing and don't injure my mouth.
12) I don't normally give much thought to automobiles, but there are two that I really want. I want a VW Bus. Preferably one where the windows in the front that comprise the windshield open slightly. And I want it to be green. Bright green. I also want a VW Bug. I haven't really decided if I want a new one or old one. If I get a new one, I can get a convertible. But I'd be pleased with either one. And I want it to be orange. Bright orange. A dream that may come true one day, but I'll be fine if it doesn't.
13) I'm completely clumsy. My most serious injuries have been the results of falling, which I have done many times in my life.
14) I think my clumsiness explains how messy I am at times. I tend to do just about everything in a messy fashion. I can't seem to escape it. I do clean up afterward, but as long as I'm trying to get something done, I've had to learn to content myself with the fact that I am going to make a mess.
15) I mentioned my common sense earlier, and usually with common sense comes things like practicality and level-headedness, and I possess those as well. So it's probably more surprising to me than anyone else how much I have come to love the band downhere. It goes quite against my nature. I have become a self-proclaimed fangirl. It was very off-putting at first and still is at times. I was not aware that I was capable of being a fangirl before this happened. But apparently I am. I tend to make weird faces when I listen to them, mostly of a smiling nature. And I make weird noises, most commonly squealing ones. Oh, and these guys are all from Canada.....
16) I'm a big sap. The strangest things will make me cry as well as the least strange things. For me to go a week without crying is all but unheard of. And I'm always surprised that I don't do it around people any more than I do, because I frequently feel my eyes start to burn and get a little misty, but most of the time it stops there and people don't notice that I just about had a breakdown. I don't mind people witnessing me break down, but I figure it probably makes them more uncomfortable than it does me, so for their sakes, I'm glad it doesn't happen all the time.
17) I've toyed with the idea of not having a TV when I move out on my own, because I have better things to do and I figure it'll just take up space and collect dust from a lack of use.
18) I really and truly have to sing. I do like doing it, but I think that even if I didn't like doing it and thought I sounded terrible all the time, I would still have to do it. When I go for extended periods of time without singing, I can tell in that I feel really bad and I feel like something's missing. I feel as if I've been holding my breath and I need to get air or I'll die. That sounds really dramatic and almost makes me want to erase it, but it's true. I guess no one can avoid drama, even the ones most devoted to escaping it, such as myself.
19) I have weird eyes. In my opinion. They're very, very small and set deeply into my face. I think they make me look pretty lazy-eyed and tired a lot of the time because I can't open them any wider. If a person's eyes are bright, it makes them seem much brighter. Mine are definitely not bright.
20) I don't know this to be a fact, but I have a feeling that my quietness leads people to assume that I'm afraid to say certain things and that I'm easily embarrassed, but both of those things are not the case. I'll talk about just about anything under the sun and I'm not afraid to say things that sound kinda odd, and there are few things about myself that I will not be willing to share with anyone. I just don't speak much or volunteer much information. I usually have to be prompted to say something. And I have absolutely no problem with making a fool myself. I do it daily because I am such an awkward person, so if I was ever inclined to be embarrassed, I got over it a long time ago.
21) Speaking of 21, that is the age I will be on my next birthday. That doesn't seem right. Wasn't I 4-years-old last week? This whole aging thing is strange.
22) My taste in music is quite eclectic. I like a wide-variety of music spanning across all genres and styles. Everything under the sun is a fitting description.
23) When I'm focusing on something or concentrating or something along those lines, I make a weird face. I tend to look either angry or intense or upset or bored, and I have a habit of being really short with people. A friend of mine thought that I got mad at him out of the blue one time. I really don't mean to do it, and I try to make a conscious effort not to. Just know that I'm not the type to get mad, so if I ever start acting strange that's probably why. I apologize.
24) I've been told before that I am one of the most self-assured, confident people ever and that really threw me off, because confidence is not something I equate with myself. As I mentioned earlier, I'm a really awkward person and that combined with my personality leads me to feel like I rarely ever do anything in a confident manner. But I do live in my awkwardness and quirkiness and have embraced who I am. And I'm comfortable in my own skin...as comfortable as one can be while feeling awkward. So I guess that's self-assurance and perhaps confidence. The jury's still out on that one, though.
25) My favorite movie is The Wizard of Oz. And I haven't watched it in a really long time. Years, I think. I need to do something about that. If anyone else likes The Wizard of Oz and would like to watch it with me, let me know and we can get together and have a movie night.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Reunited and it feels so good.
I'm coming to you tonight with crazy wet hair and a smile on my face. The wet hair is because I just took a shower and the smile is because I'm writing this from my laptop! Yes, my computer is back in my possession and there's no fear of it dying on me anymore. After the UPS guy delivered it yesterday I did a brief little jig before I even took it out of the box. My face started hurting from how much I was smiling. It's insane how much I was starting to miss this thing. I think I was actually beginning to experience a little separation anxiety. Make of that what you will. I'm still not sure what to think about it. But one thing this does make me think is that I hope to be blogging more. We'll see.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Emily and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Today was one of the most off days I have had in a long time. Frustration-filled is the most accurate description.
It started out fabulously. I got up early and was in a terrific mood because I actually went to sleep at a decent hour last night. I had decided the night before that I was going to go to school super early in order to get some work done before my first class started and my brother and dad were going to drop me off on their way to work. Frustration #1: I was ready to go at 9:00 when my dad said he wanted us to be ready, but my brother was not. He went and got in the shower at 9:00. And taking a shower is no small thing for him. He's as bad as a girl. And after the shower came his other getting ready rituals. And by the time he was ready, my dad had lost steam he had to get himself motivated again to get up and go.
So we finally head out the door, and as I'm walking to the car, Frustration #2: I didn't look at where I was stepping and my foot slipped - the same foot that slipped in November - and my ankle rolled to the side and I was afraid for a minute that I had done some serious damage. Thankfully I didn't. But it has been more sore today than is usual.
I did make it to school in time to get a few things done, but nowhere near as much as I had hoped. I really didn't want to be up late doing homework, and that was the motivation behind going early. So much for that. And the part that bothered me most was the fact that I didn't have to get up early and get ready; I chose to do that on my own. My brother on the other hand was supposed to because our dad told him that he wanted to get to work at a certain time and my brother should have been accountable to that.
Frustration #3: My first of two classes today, math. It's not my strong suit. If I was completely inept I think I could deal with it, but I'm not completely inept, I just seem to have a really hard time remembering what to do. Most of the time, when people explain it, math seems quite logical and simple to understand, but turn right around after explaining and ask me to figure a similar problem out on my own and I'm completely lost. I know it's simple, but I just can't figure it out and that's the most frustrating part. And we had a quiz today. I'm thinking I made a 60 on it. Could be worse, but I still don't particularly like 60s.
After class, Frustrations #4 & 5: my family and I all went out for lunch. That's sounds like it would be a good thing, but we don't have money for going out to eat lunch. We didn't need to do it. We managed to keep the cost down pretty low for all of us, but with five people, it's still expensive. On top of that, my family can't seem to do anything expediently. I needed to get home and try to get some more work done and I eventually said so in an effort to get everybody going. They did, so I can't complain about that, but I got home feeling like most of my dad up until that point had been wasted.
So my afternoon continues on and I get a little work done before my last class but I'm still feeling really behind. My last class comes and goes, I'm back home and it's time for dinner. By the time everything is said and done, Frustration #6: I sit down to finish my homework at about 7:30. I knew it was going to take a few hours which put me not finishing until I was hoping to go to bed if even that early. And Frustration #7: I was using my brother's laptop. Toshiba hasn't shipped mine back yet, nor have I heard anything from them about it. I've been very grateful for the use of my brother's laptop, but I miss mine so much. It's amazing how out of whack not having it makes me feel. And I haven't used it in over a month. It wasn't quite so bad when I wasn't in school, but now that I am, I am sorely missing it. And Frustration #8: I was doing my homework downstairs in the middle of all the commotion. That's mostly my fault. I could have come up to my room, but I didn't feel like sitting on my bed, and my desk is a mess as well as the rest of my room and I didn't want to work in the mess. But I probably would have finished much faster had I not been distracted by all the stuff going on downstairs. I finished at about midnight.
And here I am. In favor of trying to get some sleep, I probably shouldn't have written all of this but I needed to get everything out. And speaking of everything, here are some miscellaneous frustrations.
I feel like I am constantly picking up the slack for everything that happens in my family, everything less than positive or ideal, I should say. Most of that falls on my shoulders, because I let all the responsibility fall on me, even when it shouldn't. But half the time, I don't know what else to do, because all of the alternatives seem worse.
I am tired of keeping secrets and feeling like I'm lying to people. It goes against my nature. I'm not the type to go tell everybody under the sun everything I know, think or feel, but if they ask or it comes up in a discussion, then I'm totally fine with telling just about anybody anything. Stranger or lifelong friend, if you want to know something about me, however personal it may seem, chances are I will tell you. The people who know me best have said that I have a tendency to say surprising things and that comes from my willingness to talk about anything. Until I feel compelled to keep secrets. I don't like it. Especially when the ones desiring to keep something secret are keeping secrets from people that they should never be keeping secrets from to begin with. It's maddening.
On top of all that, I didn't eat any cereal today. Not even a bite. I have become accustomed to eating a bowl every day, sometimes even two. I feel like something is missing. Oh, and speaking of something missing, I haven't sang much in the past week. I've been way busy and without my computer, my world has been much more quiet than it normally is. I need to go somewhere and sing for hours with no other obligations. Other than to eat cereal if I get hungry. Sounds like paradise to me.
In writing this and in every moment of frustration that passed today, I tried to keep myself in check and not fall into bashing people. Because I don't want to do that. And that's not how I feel. I still love everyone and I'm well aware that people mess up. That's why I don't normally do this kind of thing. I'm pretty good about not letting things get to me, but it just all came on at once today. I'm sure people could come up with plenty of things to say about me that frustrate them. And if they feel the need to say something, I hope they would.
It's now after 2 AM and even though I'm losing valuable sleeping time, I really should leave here and go spend some time with God. And get a good cry in. Singing, preferably at the top of my lungs, would be the other thing that would provide therapy for me at this point in time, but I can't very well do that unless I want to disturb those slumbering in my house. But I do think that after my time with God I will put in my favorite album So Much For Substitutes from my favorite band downhere. Who knows when I'll get to sleep, but at this point I am so unsettled that if I tried to lay down at this moment I can pretty much guarantee that it would do no good and I would become even more unsettled by the fact that I can't go to sleep. So off I go, letting this day be a learning experience and a change to grow and build character and praying that tomorrow - or, today - will be better, remembering to be thankful and content in all circumstances. In Jesus' name, Amen.
It started out fabulously. I got up early and was in a terrific mood because I actually went to sleep at a decent hour last night. I had decided the night before that I was going to go to school super early in order to get some work done before my first class started and my brother and dad were going to drop me off on their way to work. Frustration #1: I was ready to go at 9:00 when my dad said he wanted us to be ready, but my brother was not. He went and got in the shower at 9:00. And taking a shower is no small thing for him. He's as bad as a girl. And after the shower came his other getting ready rituals. And by the time he was ready, my dad had lost steam he had to get himself motivated again to get up and go.
So we finally head out the door, and as I'm walking to the car, Frustration #2: I didn't look at where I was stepping and my foot slipped - the same foot that slipped in November - and my ankle rolled to the side and I was afraid for a minute that I had done some serious damage. Thankfully I didn't. But it has been more sore today than is usual.
I did make it to school in time to get a few things done, but nowhere near as much as I had hoped. I really didn't want to be up late doing homework, and that was the motivation behind going early. So much for that. And the part that bothered me most was the fact that I didn't have to get up early and get ready; I chose to do that on my own. My brother on the other hand was supposed to because our dad told him that he wanted to get to work at a certain time and my brother should have been accountable to that.
Frustration #3: My first of two classes today, math. It's not my strong suit. If I was completely inept I think I could deal with it, but I'm not completely inept, I just seem to have a really hard time remembering what to do. Most of the time, when people explain it, math seems quite logical and simple to understand, but turn right around after explaining and ask me to figure a similar problem out on my own and I'm completely lost. I know it's simple, but I just can't figure it out and that's the most frustrating part. And we had a quiz today. I'm thinking I made a 60 on it. Could be worse, but I still don't particularly like 60s.
After class, Frustrations #4 & 5: my family and I all went out for lunch. That's sounds like it would be a good thing, but we don't have money for going out to eat lunch. We didn't need to do it. We managed to keep the cost down pretty low for all of us, but with five people, it's still expensive. On top of that, my family can't seem to do anything expediently. I needed to get home and try to get some more work done and I eventually said so in an effort to get everybody going. They did, so I can't complain about that, but I got home feeling like most of my dad up until that point had been wasted.
So my afternoon continues on and I get a little work done before my last class but I'm still feeling really behind. My last class comes and goes, I'm back home and it's time for dinner. By the time everything is said and done, Frustration #6: I sit down to finish my homework at about 7:30. I knew it was going to take a few hours which put me not finishing until I was hoping to go to bed if even that early. And Frustration #7: I was using my brother's laptop. Toshiba hasn't shipped mine back yet, nor have I heard anything from them about it. I've been very grateful for the use of my brother's laptop, but I miss mine so much. It's amazing how out of whack not having it makes me feel. And I haven't used it in over a month. It wasn't quite so bad when I wasn't in school, but now that I am, I am sorely missing it. And Frustration #8: I was doing my homework downstairs in the middle of all the commotion. That's mostly my fault. I could have come up to my room, but I didn't feel like sitting on my bed, and my desk is a mess as well as the rest of my room and I didn't want to work in the mess. But I probably would have finished much faster had I not been distracted by all the stuff going on downstairs. I finished at about midnight.
And here I am. In favor of trying to get some sleep, I probably shouldn't have written all of this but I needed to get everything out. And speaking of everything, here are some miscellaneous frustrations.
I feel like I am constantly picking up the slack for everything that happens in my family, everything less than positive or ideal, I should say. Most of that falls on my shoulders, because I let all the responsibility fall on me, even when it shouldn't. But half the time, I don't know what else to do, because all of the alternatives seem worse.
I am tired of keeping secrets and feeling like I'm lying to people. It goes against my nature. I'm not the type to go tell everybody under the sun everything I know, think or feel, but if they ask or it comes up in a discussion, then I'm totally fine with telling just about anybody anything. Stranger or lifelong friend, if you want to know something about me, however personal it may seem, chances are I will tell you. The people who know me best have said that I have a tendency to say surprising things and that comes from my willingness to talk about anything. Until I feel compelled to keep secrets. I don't like it. Especially when the ones desiring to keep something secret are keeping secrets from people that they should never be keeping secrets from to begin with. It's maddening.
On top of all that, I didn't eat any cereal today. Not even a bite. I have become accustomed to eating a bowl every day, sometimes even two. I feel like something is missing. Oh, and speaking of something missing, I haven't sang much in the past week. I've been way busy and without my computer, my world has been much more quiet than it normally is. I need to go somewhere and sing for hours with no other obligations. Other than to eat cereal if I get hungry. Sounds like paradise to me.
In writing this and in every moment of frustration that passed today, I tried to keep myself in check and not fall into bashing people. Because I don't want to do that. And that's not how I feel. I still love everyone and I'm well aware that people mess up. That's why I don't normally do this kind of thing. I'm pretty good about not letting things get to me, but it just all came on at once today. I'm sure people could come up with plenty of things to say about me that frustrate them. And if they feel the need to say something, I hope they would.
It's now after 2 AM and even though I'm losing valuable sleeping time, I really should leave here and go spend some time with God. And get a good cry in. Singing, preferably at the top of my lungs, would be the other thing that would provide therapy for me at this point in time, but I can't very well do that unless I want to disturb those slumbering in my house. But I do think that after my time with God I will put in my favorite album So Much For Substitutes from my favorite band downhere. Who knows when I'll get to sleep, but at this point I am so unsettled that if I tried to lay down at this moment I can pretty much guarantee that it would do no good and I would become even more unsettled by the fact that I can't go to sleep. So off I go, letting this day be a learning experience and a change to grow and build character and praying that tomorrow - or, today - will be better, remembering to be thankful and content in all circumstances. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Kevin Max
Last night, I got to see Kevin Max at The Rutledge in Nashville. The night was full of new, exciting, marvelous experiences. I'll start from the beginning.
First of all, The Rutledge is 18+ and last night was the first time I've ever been to a place like that. Part of me wishes that I could say that I was cool about the whole thing, but I would be convincing no one. My brother and I walked through the door and the guy asked for our ID and told us it would be $10 for each of us. I had mine ready, so the guy checked it and markered my hand with big black x's while my brother was pulling out his wallet. After the guy checked my brother's ID he proceeded to paint his hands with the same beautiful black x's. I fully understand the purpose for the x's on the hands, but they do a really good job of making you feel awkward and out of place. I was already feeling very awkward and out of place and nervous, so I didn't need any assistance. But that's okay.
(Side note: One of things I appreciate about myself is the fact that I tend to take things in stride. Even when I feel nervous and awkward, I keep trudging forward despite how I may feel or how incredibly stupid I look. This has come in handy, because I live in a constant state of awkwardness. So last night, even though I felt (and probably looked) really out of place, it didn't really bother me. It just gave me another opportunity to laugh at how strange I am.)
So we get past the guy at the door - who, by the way, was the steoreotypical big, buff, bald, glaring, tattooed man - and we make our way to find a place to sit. We found this small table with two chairs next to the wall right in front of the stage. It was the perfect place. We planted ourselves firmly in the chairs and did not get up until we left.
The Rutledge is a small place. And it was loud. And before the night was over, crowded. We got there about an hour before the show was supposed to start, so we sat and soaked in the atmosphere and yelled to each other across the table in an attempt to carry on a conversation. Good times. Thankfully, we didn't have to sit there and wait a whole hour, because the opening band started about 15 minutes early. Manic Bloom was their name, and I quite enjoyed them. They had genuine, honest talent. I was happy to see that. They played for about 45 minutes. And all ideas I had about the sound guy - Frank, I later found out was his name - liking it loud were quelled during this. I found out he not only liked it loud, he liked it really loud. The volume of the music he played before the show was nothing compared to loud it was when the show started. I think it's not a stretch to guess that he has at least some slight hearing loss. Just a guess.
After Manic Bloom it was time for Kevin Max. Well, it was time for Kevin Max after a complete set change. They tore down all of Manic Bloom's stuff and then put up all of K-Max's and his band's stuff. They worked quite efficiently, but it still was almost 30 minutes before they started playing. But that's okay, because during that time Kevin himself walked past me twice and since we were all so close together, he was like two inches from me. That was exciting. He hung out around the sound board, which was less than 10 feet away from us, for about 10-15 minutes while his band was setting up everything. And funnily enough, even with all the noise and the trouble we were having hearing each other less than a foot apart, whenever he spoke to somone, we could clearly hear his voice. It was like babies responding to their mother. We were sitting there laughing at ourselves and our extreme obsession with his voice. What can we say? The man has the voice of an angel.
At around 10:00 they all walked onto the stage and the room exploded with applause and cheers. Then started the mind-blowing amazingness. And with the mind-blowing amazingness, anymore ideas I had gathered during the Manic Bloom set about the sound guy and his affinity for volume were destroyed. Frank not only likes it really loud, he likes it really, really loud. But it was Kevin Max so I can't say that I blame him.
Kevin called this show a "glorified rehearsal." He said they're going to be taking time off until June, but for some reason they decided to do this little thing, so they weren't completely polished. But that showed off their excellent musicianship, because they were fantastic even when you could tell that weren't sure what they were doing. He said the band learned all of the songs in two days and Kevin himself had words in front of him on a stand for some of his new songs that he hasn't gotten used to singing yet. There were several times that he would look at the guys and say something like "Are we going to try this one?" and before they played the last song, which was a cover of "Message In A Bottle", he looked at one of the guitar players and said, "Come on, don't be nervous, just do it." All of that, along with the venue helped to create a very relaxed environment which was very cool. There was one woman there who took advantage of this relaxed feel and was talking to Kevin between every song. I never did see her, but that didn't keep me from hearing her. Between every song she would shout things like, "This is the best show ever!", "That was better than the original!" (said when he sang "Love Me Two Times"), and "You're an angel!" Kevin talked back to her nearly every time, witty as always. We laughed much during his set. After the "better than the original" comment he chuckled and said, "I beg to differ." And after the "you're an angel" remark he stumbled over his words for a second and then said "What do you say to that?" To that I would say, "It's true" but that's just me.
I couldn't sing along with most of what he played, because he did a lot of new stuff from his latest EP, Crashing Gates, that I have not been able to procure yet, but that was okay. Not only is his voice completely captivating, he is an engaging performer. Marvelous is what he is. I think I already used that word, but it's an appropriate word so I think it's alright to say it more than once. The few times he did play a song that I knew, you better believe that I was singing right along. My brother was, too. And I think that captured Kevin's attention. We both thought that he looked at us from the stage a few times. I could swear that he was staring at me once for a whole verse in one of the songs. I don't remember which one. If he wasn't looking at me, then he was either staring into space or looking at the wall behind me. If that's the case, I'd like to continue to believe that he was looking at me, if you don't mind. I like that better.
After his set was done, we made a hasty exit. There was some other guy that was supposed to be playing, but it was getting late and we had already decided that we were going to see some friends before we went home. I kinda feel sorry for walking out on the last guy, because I suspect a lot of other people did, too. But maybe not. For his sake, we can only hope.
All in all (hmm, conclusionary statement....must be coming to the end) it was one of the most glorious experiences of my life. And I feel like I could go on and gush from here to infinity but I think few people would want to read that, so I better stop now. I will end by saying, I love Kevin Max. You should go see him sometime. You will love him, too.
First of all, The Rutledge is 18+ and last night was the first time I've ever been to a place like that. Part of me wishes that I could say that I was cool about the whole thing, but I would be convincing no one. My brother and I walked through the door and the guy asked for our ID and told us it would be $10 for each of us. I had mine ready, so the guy checked it and markered my hand with big black x's while my brother was pulling out his wallet. After the guy checked my brother's ID he proceeded to paint his hands with the same beautiful black x's. I fully understand the purpose for the x's on the hands, but they do a really good job of making you feel awkward and out of place. I was already feeling very awkward and out of place and nervous, so I didn't need any assistance. But that's okay.
(Side note: One of things I appreciate about myself is the fact that I tend to take things in stride. Even when I feel nervous and awkward, I keep trudging forward despite how I may feel or how incredibly stupid I look. This has come in handy, because I live in a constant state of awkwardness. So last night, even though I felt (and probably looked) really out of place, it didn't really bother me. It just gave me another opportunity to laugh at how strange I am.)
So we get past the guy at the door - who, by the way, was the steoreotypical big, buff, bald, glaring, tattooed man - and we make our way to find a place to sit. We found this small table with two chairs next to the wall right in front of the stage. It was the perfect place. We planted ourselves firmly in the chairs and did not get up until we left.
The Rutledge is a small place. And it was loud. And before the night was over, crowded. We got there about an hour before the show was supposed to start, so we sat and soaked in the atmosphere and yelled to each other across the table in an attempt to carry on a conversation. Good times. Thankfully, we didn't have to sit there and wait a whole hour, because the opening band started about 15 minutes early. Manic Bloom was their name, and I quite enjoyed them. They had genuine, honest talent. I was happy to see that. They played for about 45 minutes. And all ideas I had about the sound guy - Frank, I later found out was his name - liking it loud were quelled during this. I found out he not only liked it loud, he liked it really loud. The volume of the music he played before the show was nothing compared to loud it was when the show started. I think it's not a stretch to guess that he has at least some slight hearing loss. Just a guess.
After Manic Bloom it was time for Kevin Max. Well, it was time for Kevin Max after a complete set change. They tore down all of Manic Bloom's stuff and then put up all of K-Max's and his band's stuff. They worked quite efficiently, but it still was almost 30 minutes before they started playing. But that's okay, because during that time Kevin himself walked past me twice and since we were all so close together, he was like two inches from me. That was exciting. He hung out around the sound board, which was less than 10 feet away from us, for about 10-15 minutes while his band was setting up everything. And funnily enough, even with all the noise and the trouble we were having hearing each other less than a foot apart, whenever he spoke to somone, we could clearly hear his voice. It was like babies responding to their mother. We were sitting there laughing at ourselves and our extreme obsession with his voice. What can we say? The man has the voice of an angel.
At around 10:00 they all walked onto the stage and the room exploded with applause and cheers. Then started the mind-blowing amazingness. And with the mind-blowing amazingness, anymore ideas I had gathered during the Manic Bloom set about the sound guy and his affinity for volume were destroyed. Frank not only likes it really loud, he likes it really, really loud. But it was Kevin Max so I can't say that I blame him.
Kevin called this show a "glorified rehearsal." He said they're going to be taking time off until June, but for some reason they decided to do this little thing, so they weren't completely polished. But that showed off their excellent musicianship, because they were fantastic even when you could tell that weren't sure what they were doing. He said the band learned all of the songs in two days and Kevin himself had words in front of him on a stand for some of his new songs that he hasn't gotten used to singing yet. There were several times that he would look at the guys and say something like "Are we going to try this one?" and before they played the last song, which was a cover of "Message In A Bottle", he looked at one of the guitar players and said, "Come on, don't be nervous, just do it." All of that, along with the venue helped to create a very relaxed environment which was very cool. There was one woman there who took advantage of this relaxed feel and was talking to Kevin between every song. I never did see her, but that didn't keep me from hearing her. Between every song she would shout things like, "This is the best show ever!", "That was better than the original!" (said when he sang "Love Me Two Times"), and "You're an angel!" Kevin talked back to her nearly every time, witty as always. We laughed much during his set. After the "better than the original" comment he chuckled and said, "I beg to differ." And after the "you're an angel" remark he stumbled over his words for a second and then said "What do you say to that?" To that I would say, "It's true" but that's just me.
I couldn't sing along with most of what he played, because he did a lot of new stuff from his latest EP, Crashing Gates, that I have not been able to procure yet, but that was okay. Not only is his voice completely captivating, he is an engaging performer. Marvelous is what he is. I think I already used that word, but it's an appropriate word so I think it's alright to say it more than once. The few times he did play a song that I knew, you better believe that I was singing right along. My brother was, too. And I think that captured Kevin's attention. We both thought that he looked at us from the stage a few times. I could swear that he was staring at me once for a whole verse in one of the songs. I don't remember which one. If he wasn't looking at me, then he was either staring into space or looking at the wall behind me. If that's the case, I'd like to continue to believe that he was looking at me, if you don't mind. I like that better.
After his set was done, we made a hasty exit. There was some other guy that was supposed to be playing, but it was getting late and we had already decided that we were going to see some friends before we went home. I kinda feel sorry for walking out on the last guy, because I suspect a lot of other people did, too. But maybe not. For his sake, we can only hope.
All in all (hmm, conclusionary statement....must be coming to the end) it was one of the most glorious experiences of my life. And I feel like I could go on and gush from here to infinity but I think few people would want to read that, so I better stop now. I will end by saying, I love Kevin Max. You should go see him sometime. You will love him, too.
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