I survived another year!

My birthday usually isn't a big deal. That's mostly been because my family has been poor my whole life, so special occasions have often looked like every other day of the year, to my mother's chagrin. She feels guilty about not having done something grand to celebrate the life of me and my brothers every year.

But to be completely honest, I'm glad it has turned out that way. It suits me, my personality. I get very uncomfortable when people make a big deal about me. I have no problem making a big deal about other people, but it's different when it's me. I don't get as uncomfortable as I used to, but there's enough of my former self-deprecating, lack of self-worth side left to make me shy away when I'm in the spotlight, and, honestly, start to feel guilty. Why do I feel guilty? Probably because I feel like I'm being selfish and should be doing something for someone else.

So yesterday suited me just fine. On top of all of the usual reasons, I was also happy to not have a million things going on because I'm still exhausted from school. I plan to take full advantage of every moment of rest I can during the summer, because I'm not going to get a whole lot. Actually, in keeping with the theme of not making a big deal about it, I almost decided not to write a blog about it. But I can't do that. I can't completely ignore what's going on, nor do I really want to.

Yesterday was a big one. Or so that seems to be the mainstream thought. It was my 21st birthday. I was at home most of the day. Nothing too exciting happened. My family and I went to church last night. We're starting to meet together every other week to eat some food, hang out, play some games, fun stuff like that and last night was the first night. That was my party. My dad told our pastor that it was my birthday, so he decided he wanted to try to embarrass me by leading everyone in a terribly off-key rendition of "Happy Birthday." ("Good luck with that," I thought. I may seem like the embarrassable type, but it's all but impossible to embarrass me.) I was sitting in a chair and he was standing over me, screeching in my ear and it was quite loud. But despite that, I think my mother may have drowned him out. It sounded to me like she was intentionally trying to sound like a tone deaf 6-year-old and those who have heard her know the volume she can put out. It was quite the experience.

There is another reason why the day seemed to fit so well. I rarely ever do anything conventionally. Some of that has been intentional, but usually it just seems to work out that way. There's just something about me that inherently makes everything I do, everything I participate in, happen differently than with the average person. I used to feel bad about it, and I used to try to fight it, but now I appreciate it. It makes life interesting and it's probably the biggest contributing factor to my sense of humor (which I think is pretty good) and my appreciation of/fascination with irony.

Yesterday definitely defied conventions. How many people go to church on their 21st birthday? I'm gonna guess the percentage is small. And how many people can say they still haven't tasted alcohol after their 21st birthday? Few, I'm sure. Now, when I say that I'm not trying to brag or say anything negative about drinking beverages with alcohol in them. I'm merely remarking on how unusual it is. Will I drink something with alcohol in it in the future? Most likely. Probably 100% likely. It just doesn't seem necessary at the moment.

I think my parents (mostly my mom) still want to try to do something soon if they can, probably take me out to dinner. But going out to dinner does nothing for me. I'd rather stay at home and eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and then do something creative. I've tried to convince them of that in the past, but we usually go out to dinner anyway. The best I've been able to do is get them to take me Chick-Fil-A, because I'd rather have Chick-Fil-A anyday than anything fancier. Maybe I'll be able to convey the message this year. I'll probably never say "No" outright. I'm the type to just leave hints and try to suggest something else and steer them in another direction. That's likely my problem.

All in all, it was great birthday. Completely ordinary, which is pretty extraordinary in my book.