Caffeine woes.

I think God specifically didn't want me to get addicted to caffeine, or ever even depend on it. I don't know why me and not other people. There are plenty of people addicted to caffeine. There are plenty of others who aren't addicted, but come to depend on it in a crunch. I don't know why I would be singled out from the masses.

But I seem to be. Caffeine, while its highly stimulating to most, has never noticeably changed my energy level. I can be tired, drink copious amounts of the socially acceptable drug, and then lie down and promptly go to sleep.

Overall, I consider this to be a blessing. I really don't like the idea of being one of those people who's so sensitive that I can drink a Dr. Pepper at 10 AM and still be running on a high 15 hours later. But there are times when my singled-out state is slightly annoying.

Like now. I'm in the middle of a do-three-projects-from-start-to-finish-in-six-days marathon, and I'm thinking it would be nice if I could know that should I get sleepy in the middle of the day tomorrow, I could find something to help me through. Because I really need to get them all finished tomorrow. And should I stay up really late tomorrow night, I'll need to have the gumption to stay up all day Tuesday, because I have class all day, so I can't come home and sleep. Not only do I have class all day, I have to turn in all of my projects and give presentations, so I can't just sit in the corner and zone out. I have to be clear-headed and able to skillfully orate.

This is why I live a mostly caffeine-less existence. I figure, what's the point? I get no staying-awake benefits. And I don't think it does me a lot of good otherwise. So why ingest it? And it's close cousin on the soda side, carbonation. I've become one of those people who doesn't even like to drink carbonation much anymore, caffeine or no. As I'm drinking it, it just feels wrong. Until moments like this, when I start thinking, I should go buy a two-liter of Pepsi. And maybe a Dr. Pepper too, for good measure.

I guess this is one of those areas in life where I have no choice but to trust God. I come across a lot of those. It's like God decided early in my life, "No. I'm going to take everything away from you and engineer your existence specifically so that you can't depend on anything else. All these people who single-handedly keep a Starbucks branch open, and drink a two-liter of Mountain Dew a day, you're not even going to have the option to be one of them." It can be exhausting.

I guess I'm grateful for that.