I consistently wonder at how much I have changed in my 21 years, 7 months, and 8 days.
One of the more recent developments that I never would have imagined would be the case many years ago is how much I have grown to crave being with people. It's actually become quite bad. Lately, I've been feeling like there's something wrong all the time. Which was terribly distracting as I was trying to finish up my classes at the end of this last semester, because when I don't feel right, I can't focus on anything.
It's not just people in general whose company I am craving. (Although something else that I've noticed about myself is how much more willing I am to talk to people I don't know and how easily it comes to me.) It's certain people. People I know. Some more than others. Generally, the better relationship I have with a person, the more I feel like I want to be around them. Which makes sense. The biggest trouble with that is, I know people who live all over the place. Mainly the continental U.S. So I spend a lot of my time missing people.
Anybody who has read my blog for a while, or watched me closely during movies, or church events, or any other situation with any sentiment, can probably guess what all of this missing of people translates into. A lot of tears. A lot of quiet ones. It doesn't make me sob. Just a few leak out on various occasions.
Despite this, I am still very much the introvert. So much so that it's painful sometimes. So I don't really know how in the world I can balance these things. I can't be with people and be alone at the same time. I guess if I ever figure out how that could work, my problems will be solved.
For the time being, I'm solving (partially, because I can't be with everyone at once) the problem of missing people. I'm in Arkansas for Christmas, and will be and have already been spending time with lots of family that I don't get to see very often. And tomorrow I will be seeing my best friend as I help her and her mom and sister move. I anticipate that my car will be loaded down with boxes all day, and that I will be lifting lots of heavy things. I also anticipate that I will enjoy every minute. Who knows who else I might get to see while I'm here. There are too many people to cover all in one trip, but I hope I can see as many as possible.
My friend,
ReplyDeleteI too am an introvert. This doesn't mean we hate people or don't want them in our lives... it means we do better with one-on-one or small group settings. Introverts can have some really deep relationships- and like anyone, we miss these people when they are far away! (you dont know how many times I've cried over missing friends, family, or people across the country... or from feeling totally and utterly alone.) We need people, we need relationships- it is the way God created each one of us. We each have our roles within the body of Christ, we aren't meant to do this on our own.
Think of it this way... what is the best way to get to know a person? Is it by entering into a crowd of strangers, or by sitting down and talking to them? Extroverts tend to be fine with the crowds and may be able to talk to anyone- but I don't think they connect the same way we do. We get to know people through our interactions, and we care deeply about them. I know 'introverts' are thought of aloof or reclusive, but I believe those stereotypes only apply to the extremes. Introverts can love people, many people- just as we can survive in crowds and group settings. Even if we seem quiet or unsuspecting. We aren't cold-hearted... and we tend to be more sensitive (especially girls) towards the feelings of others. It's a gift...
With that said, we also need time apart from people. It's not a constant need- just when we're exhausted or feeling introspective. I love being around people, most of the time, but there are times when I need time alone to think. It's part of who we are.