Independently dependent.

I've been thinking much about how I was raised and the ones who facilitated the said raising.

As a person who emerged from the womb with practicality and willfulness in her bones, I had a certain advantage in matters of successful, efficient independent thinking and living over some in the world. For that reason, in the hands of a different kind of guidance I think I still would have spent my childhood stubbornly desiring to assert myself and do it the best way possible. But I am not so foolish to think that my parents and the environment in which we lived, that was partly created by them and partly placed upon us by life's uncertain nature, but whose tone was always completely determined by them, did nothing to encourage those qualities that were in me before entering the world.

My parents have been amazing. My mom in particular, simply because she was the one I spent all day, every day with, and therefore necessarily bore a more direct impact on the finer points of my growing up. I was never belittled. Never made to feel dumb. Always called upon to rise to the occasion, all the while being encouraged to believe that I could rise to the occasion. I also wasn't coddled. Nor was I inappropriately sheltered. Life was hard and there was never a time when that was hidden from me. I don't ever remember living under a false pretense that a good life would be easily handed to me. My first memory is of visiting the Little Rock Children's Hospital where my newly-born brother was in the infant ICU, not able yet to survive off of medical equipment because his lungs were so underdeveloped that he couldn't breathe. I wasn't even two yet. My harsh reality check came early.

I feel like I landed in life and was told, "Here you go. This is it. Make of it what you will. It can be ugly. It can also be pretty. Either way it's a gift and it's yours to do something with," starting even before my then wee bladder was potty trained.

From the beginning I was also consistently told, "Here, you can do this. It doesn't matter that you don't know how to do it yet, I'll teach you. Or better yet, you may not even need a teacher. You might just be able to figure this out on your own. Try it and see."

I am inexpressibly grateful that the independence ball was tossed into my court so early on.

The combination of my innate senses and such encouragement to take ownership of myself and always strive to find the best in every situation formed the magic brew needed for me to become an independent woman who could successfully be independent and not just one who solitarily made a mess of everything she tried. By the time I was in high school I was able to take care of a whole household by myself, and actually did it when my mom became ill and there was no one else around to keep everyone fed, clothed and clean. I spared not one thought to incredulity at the time because I was just doing what had to be done and what I knew I was capable of, but from my 23-year-old perspective, if I were to meet a 15-year-old who cooked, cleaned, and did laundry for five people every day and took care of a 5-year-old, all while trying to study all those other trifles like science, history and how to form a well thought out essay, I would be amazed. I even started making my own lesson plans and homework schedules when I was 12. What kid does that? (If you happen to know one, feel free to introduce me. I would feel privileged to find such a kindred spirit.)

By the time I hit the magic adult age, I had no worries about being alone or taking care of myself. My family knew that and shared my lack of concern. But the other great thing about my parents is that the whole time they were encouraging me to think and act independently, they were still standing right next to me saying, "I want to help you. Not because you're incapable, but because I love you." Their combination of respect and sacrificial care left a deep impression on me and I grew to be compelled to reciprocate in kind and to allow myself to live vulnerably enough to let someone help me.

So that's how we've been rolling at the Harmon House and how we continue to roll. We're a family of five incredibly independent people who could easily hit the road any day and decide to leave the others on the other side of the country, but who have been given the grace to still like each other enough to stick around and make the decision to love enough to help and to let ourselves be loved by each other.

They are why I am exactly where I am now. I do have a feeling that our day-to-day dynamic will be changing soon. That's both expected and as it should be. Whenever it does change, I am very grateful to know that even in a lack of daily physical presence, they'll still be there offering up an emphatic "You can do this."