I stumbled upon a perspective-altering realization last night.
That seems to be happening on a regular basis lately.
But this last one was particularly stealthy and hard to ignore.
I realized that for a long time now I've been wishing I could have my life back. That necessarily implies that I had concluded that my life was gone. I also realized that I had not only concluded my life was gone, but that it had been taken from me, forcefully.
I determined a while ago that I've been going through a "my life is not my own" lesson, a lesson which aligns with feelings that acquaintance with my life has been severed. However, one of the biggest points I've found in this particular lesson is that what God has been doing with my life, whether or not I like it, has been a direct result of a commitment I made to Christ. I gave my life over willingly.
So nothing was taken from me.
But I've been sitting here under the delusion that it has and have been feeling resentful because of it. I've been waiting around for the day when my life will come back to me. When who or whatever took it away will decide that they're done with it and I can once again make its possession mine.
Whoa.
My life hasn't been taken. Furthermore, this is my life; everything that's been happening, everything that has made me feel turned upside down, everything that seems so uncertain, it's all my life. I need to embrace it and disallow myself to be deluded that some other kind of life that I've dreamed up in my head is a reality above what I have now.
Allow me now to quote one of my favorite songs from Derek Webb, one that I sing often: "I am wrong and of these things I repent."
That seems to be happening on a regular basis lately.
But this last one was particularly stealthy and hard to ignore.
I realized that for a long time now I've been wishing I could have my life back. That necessarily implies that I had concluded that my life was gone. I also realized that I had not only concluded my life was gone, but that it had been taken from me, forcefully.
I determined a while ago that I've been going through a "my life is not my own" lesson, a lesson which aligns with feelings that acquaintance with my life has been severed. However, one of the biggest points I've found in this particular lesson is that what God has been doing with my life, whether or not I like it, has been a direct result of a commitment I made to Christ. I gave my life over willingly.
So nothing was taken from me.
But I've been sitting here under the delusion that it has and have been feeling resentful because of it. I've been waiting around for the day when my life will come back to me. When who or whatever took it away will decide that they're done with it and I can once again make its possession mine.
Whoa.
My life hasn't been taken. Furthermore, this is my life; everything that's been happening, everything that has made me feel turned upside down, everything that seems so uncertain, it's all my life. I need to embrace it and disallow myself to be deluded that some other kind of life that I've dreamed up in my head is a reality above what I have now.
Allow me now to quote one of my favorite songs from Derek Webb, one that I sing often: "I am wrong and of these things I repent."
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I like conversation. Your comments promote conversation. You know what to do. Vielen Dank.