I [don't] wanna talk about me.

"I don't want to care about earthly things
Be caught up in all the lies
That trick my eyes
They say it's all about me
I'm so tired of it being about me"

The quotation above is from the song "Disappear" by Bebo Norman, and it sums up how I've been feeling lately.

I spend most of my every day thinking about school. When I'm not in class, there's usually always several hours worth of work for me to do on any given day. I feel like I have tunnel vision.

And I feel like I'm neglecting everyone. I only spend a little time with my family, and time with friends is even more rare, because I'm always sequestering myself somewhere to try to get my work done. I spend as much time online as I do because it's a way for me to connect with people. Because I don't have hours to be giving to people every day, it's nice that in a few minutes I can find out what kind of day someone is having and something interesting that's happening in their life. I really wish I had hours I could spend with people every day, because that would be immensely better.

Every day, forefront on my mind is what do I need to do? Or just as frequently, I really don't want to do this. Either way, I am on my mind. I take up my own time, energy and attention.

I really don't like that.

But I don't know what else to do. If I'm not constantly thinking what do I need to do, then my work wouldn't get done, and I've not yet come to the place where I'm willing to give my work any less priority. Although it is tempting. My only consolation is that I should be done in a year.

I look forward to a time when I don't have a long list of deadlines every day. Even when I do have a long list of deadlines, I'll still be happy if those deadlines are for other people, and not the same self-serving things I do all the time now.

That's the greatest critique I have of formal education, immersing yourself in it that is: everything is always all about you. What do you think, what can you learn, what can you achieve. It's tiresome. And not recommended for everybody in every situation.