The big, bad, scary Telephoneosaurus.

For those who don't know, I'm not fond of talking on the phone. It takes awkward conversations and magnifies the awkwardness.

But perhaps that's just a failing of my conversational skills. If I was a master verbal communicator then I could keep a conversation on the phone going and there would be much less chance of it getting awkward. In reality, the awkwardness isn't what bothers me so much. I have plenty of awkward face-to-face conversations, but when you're physically with someone, at least when there's a long silence you're still in each other's physical presence. While that may not do anything for some people, I kind of like just being around people whether we're talking or not. Perhaps that's just a quirk of my personality, but I really am fascinated by people. But when you're on the phone, after a few seconds of silence pass, you (or at least I) start to wonder, why are we listening to each other breathe? Listening to a person's breathing patterns can only tell you so much about them. I should find something else to say quick or start saying my good-byes.

Also, I can't read people on the phone. I get a lot from body language, and while tone of voice and breathing patterns say a lot, I feel lost if I can't see someone. This person's voice sounds kind of flat. Am I hearing them right? Are they bored? Having a bad day? Distracted? Wishing that I'd put them out of their misey by bidding them farewell and ending this awful experience, but being much too polite say so?

To reveal more of my insecurity, I often feel like I'm inconveniencing people when I call them. I don't know what's going on when they decide to answer the phone. It could be something important, and here I am interrupting them. And even if I'm not interrupting them, maybe they don't want to talk to me, but again are being too polite to say so.

However uncomfortable I may feel, I really don't like telling people that I don't like to talk on the phone, though. Even if I didn't tell you, it wouldn't be hard to figure out after you've known me a while, know I have your phone number, and notice that I haven't ever called you since our relationship started. But once I say it, that cements the idea. And I've noticed that some people who don't have any problems with phones otherwise, once they know that I don't like talking on the phone, feel bad about calling me. As if the fact that they called me would offend me, or something along those lines.

That in turn makes me feel bad, because I don't want to make people feel bad. Calling me is not an unforgivable crime, nor is it going to send me into a fit of hyperventilation. I don't choose to call other people very often, but never begrudge anyone who calls me. It won't kill me to be uncomfortable from time to time.

Thank God for the Internet, or I'd rarely talk to anyone.