Miss Pollyanna Scrooge

I often ask myself strange questions. I'm not exactly sure where this one ranks, because I'm not the best judge, but it did strike me as odd when it popped in my head.

Why can't I just be negative and move on? Why can't I say "Bah! Humbug!" and soak for a while in my pool of bad feelings? Why is there always a silver lining? Why is that I so consistently come out of a situation I had previously been dreading with a smile on my face and a gladness in my heart? Why, when I am so sure that this is the end, am I always proven wrong?

Okay, so that's more than one question, but they all boil down to the same thing. I have a habit of wanting to complain about something and shed a river of tears, and then feel the need to eat my words about five minutes later when I realize that it wasn't so bad after all; not only was it not bad, it was actually good, quite possibly a moment I will remember for a long time to come. I feel so foolish when that happens. And incredibly dorky, because surely no normal person would find so much good everywhere she looks.

Does this happen to anyone else? Or am I just really that weird? It happens to me most every day. I don't know exactly what causes this. I have a few theories that would perhaps come to something if I explored them more.

Normally I would explore them in the remainder of my blog, but I am currently too mentally and physically exhausted to do that. Which leaves me feeling discontent, because it is in my nature to figure things out.

So here's a rundown of my current feelings; discontentment at the fact that I can't devote myself to getting to the bottom of this curious occurrence; frustration at the fact that I can't ever settle in my Scroogishness; exasperation at the fact that I seem to be such a Pollyanna; incredulity that those last two things even bother me; amusement that they do; and even more exasperation at how back and forth I am. If you could have seen me while I was typing this, you would have seen how many times I rolled my eyes. I lost track, but it was a lot.

How in the world do I live with myself? I'm so crazy.

But that's exactly why I love to live with myself. I'm not usually a laugh a minute on the outside, but there's never a dull moment in my head. I wish you could see it sometime. Then again...maybe it's a good thing that God and I are the only ones who know what goes on in my head....

This post is not satisfying at all....but I guess it's nice to switch it up and end with strange commentary and unanswered questions. It's actually a much better representation of my life.