"I am confidence in insecurity..."

I thought tonight I might get something "purposeful" accomplished. And I did a few things. But I was soon overcome with a desire to sing and that's mostly all I've been doing for the past hour and a half. That and entertaining a few sundry thoughts in between belted choruses.

I said that life has been more business as usual than I expected. And that's true. There have been a few experiences in the last week and a half that were a little atypical, but it's still mostly true.

Yet, I'm discovering that I'm more unsettled than I have been in recent memory.

Maybe my station in society is starting to sink in.

Or maybe I've grown unaccustomed to business as usual. This particular kind of business as usual.

What I've grown accustomed to is working steadily on a daily basis, not giving much thought to anything else. Then as soon as there is a break from the work, taking off and doing something else demanding and distracting for a short time before returning to work. There has been a great decrease in mind-numbing demands and I think I'm going through an awkward adjustment.

Or it could be divinely inspired.

Maybe there's soon to be a dramatic change and I wouldn't be ready for it if I felt comfortable. Or maybe I need to be paying careful attention and the only way to ensure that is constant agitation.

The most interesting thing is that even with this unsettled feeling, I'm at peace. It's not worry that's unsettling me, because I'm not worried. I know I'm provided for and God has every circumstance under his watchful eye. I'm unsettled because I feel different. I don't feel like I know anything and I think that's the best way for me to feel. Completely unsure in myself and completely at ease with the giver of grace.