I can hardly wait until the day I graduate! I'll have a degree! I won't have to write on subjects I'm not interested in anymore. I'll have time to do other writing, blogging even. I can sing more. I'll be able to start more swiftly conquering the stack of books I have waiting to be read. I'll also have more time to chip away at and eventually finish all of the various projects I've started and have currently pushed to a corner, incomplete. And maybe I'll actually keep my surroundings more clean. It'll be great.
I'm graduating in 9 1/2 weeks?! What am I going to do with myself? I don't know what it's like to not have deadlines! It's been a long time since I've functioned without someone looming over me, glaring at me to do something I don't want to do or else. I'm going to have to get a job! I won't be able to play at this adult stuff anymore.
I'm graduating in 9 1/2 weeks! I'm always pushing myself so hard to accomplish something, and this is a something that's really huge (!) and therefore brings with it extra incentive to celebrate. Lots of people may clean the whole house in a single (at least I think they do?), but it's not every day that someone graduates from a university.
Forseriously, what in the world am I going to do? Really, in almost 23 years, what have I done with my life? What skills do I have? I've gone to school, done a fair job of mastering domestic duties, taken care of children, learned the ins and outs of summer camp, and perfected the performance of "I Love to Laugh" from Disney's Mary Poppins. Anybody want to hire me?
I'll finally be able to get away from the MTSU campus every day!.....okay, that may seem to you to be a statement made in earnest, but I can't honestly say that with any conviction. I needed another positive to keep with the pattern, but this is the one thing that I'm going to like least. I like going to MTSU every day. I started my life as an undergraduate student there in August 2006, and before that my actual physical abode was there in the years when I was 8 and 9. It's become one of my homes. I have a few of them scattered around the place, and I'm happy to say that my school has been added to the list. Certain things about my life as a student can be frustrating, but simply being in those surroundings is not one of them.
Life is an adventure! I don't know what's going to happen. At least not immediately. I have a vague idea of how I'm going to spend the first couple of months after walking across the stage in my cap and gown (parties, weddings, road trips, and camp, oh my!), but all after that is a mystery. And that's okay. It's likely more than okay, and possibly even best. If I knew too much, I'd be tempted to micro manage. I think much of my childhood was an attempt for God to teach me to not micro manage.
The day is approaching rapidly. Stay tuned with me! I daresay I'm much more eager to see what happens than anyone else is, but I'd like to share the experience with at least one person. I also think that much of my childhood was an attempt for God to teach me the value of living life with people, along with the detriments of being alone too much. That's a subject for another day, though. Suffice to say, I think I've learned my lesson in that regard (I hope), so I don't intend to go on this or any adventure alone.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
A spoonful of sugar.
I've seen suffering. Tragedy. As challenging as things have been in my life, I hear about other people every day who have to push through things much worse than I have ever experienced.
Because of all of the tragedy in the world, I often find myself thinking that it would be an insult to revel in something good. I really don't want to be a part of the team that just won the biggest game of the season, then celebrates, and leaves the other team watching on the side, feeling sad and defeated, victims of inconsiderate gloating.
In reality, though, it would be worse to not acknowledge when things are good. Because then the bad wins. When you're a part of the winning team, get excited. But don't forget that there are other people who didn't win. Listen to them. Care about them. And let them see your happiness. Happiness that has come not because you think you're something special, but because good exists, and should be celebrated, otherwise depression will overtake everything. People who are defeated need to see a ray of sunshine.
In that spirit, I feel right now like I want to enumerate to anyone who will listen all of the wonderful things I see around me and have experienced lately. I won't lie, my life is really exciting. Having known times that are far from exciting increases the value of these times exponentially.
But I can't do that right now. It's late. People are sleeping. I should be sleeping. To sit up for several more hours and type until my fingers tire would be ill-advised.
But I couldn't go to bed without saying something.
So here I am. I'm really happy. That's really all I have time to say, but I wanted to tell someone, and I'm glad you were here to listen. And you, just in case you forgot, please know that there is good in the world. Sometimes it's hard to see. I know that. I also that when I've been my saddest, I often just really needed to hear someone laugh. Please know that I'm smiling as I sit in front of my computer screen.
There is still hope.
Because of all of the tragedy in the world, I often find myself thinking that it would be an insult to revel in something good. I really don't want to be a part of the team that just won the biggest game of the season, then celebrates, and leaves the other team watching on the side, feeling sad and defeated, victims of inconsiderate gloating.
In reality, though, it would be worse to not acknowledge when things are good. Because then the bad wins. When you're a part of the winning team, get excited. But don't forget that there are other people who didn't win. Listen to them. Care about them. And let them see your happiness. Happiness that has come not because you think you're something special, but because good exists, and should be celebrated, otherwise depression will overtake everything. People who are defeated need to see a ray of sunshine.
In that spirit, I feel right now like I want to enumerate to anyone who will listen all of the wonderful things I see around me and have experienced lately. I won't lie, my life is really exciting. Having known times that are far from exciting increases the value of these times exponentially.
But I can't do that right now. It's late. People are sleeping. I should be sleeping. To sit up for several more hours and type until my fingers tire would be ill-advised.
But I couldn't go to bed without saying something.
So here I am. I'm really happy. That's really all I have time to say, but I wanted to tell someone, and I'm glad you were here to listen. And you, just in case you forgot, please know that there is good in the world. Sometimes it's hard to see. I know that. I also that when I've been my saddest, I often just really needed to hear someone laugh. Please know that I'm smiling as I sit in front of my computer screen.
There is still hope.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Letters from Africa.
I love getting mail from Africa. My insides get a little excited when I see an envelope with the characteristic stamps lining the top.
Why do I talk about getting mail from Africa like it's a common occurrence?
Because that's where Snethemba lives. South Africa, specifically. Snethemba is the girl I sponsor.
She's a delightful girl. Her birthday is next month and she'll be 16. She's very conscientious and caring and smart.
I got a letter from her today. It's enough to cheer even Ebeneezer Scrooge's heart (pre-spirits).
As much as I believe that what little I send to World Vision every month is making a big difference in Snethmba's life, as well as that of her family and her community, I think sponsoring has just as profoundly impacted my life, if not more. My heart is softer. My worldview is wider. My mindset has changed. My faith has grown. It has provided a wonderful opportunity to watch what God can do, and has made me more aware of what he is doing in the world every day.
I think I'm going to go read this latest letter a few more times. Next on the agenda will be to write one of my own. When I was a kid, I often dreamed of having a pen pal. I guess I got my wish.
Why do I talk about getting mail from Africa like it's a common occurrence?
Because that's where Snethemba lives. South Africa, specifically. Snethemba is the girl I sponsor.
She's a delightful girl. Her birthday is next month and she'll be 16. She's very conscientious and caring and smart.
I got a letter from her today. It's enough to cheer even Ebeneezer Scrooge's heart (pre-spirits).
As much as I believe that what little I send to World Vision every month is making a big difference in Snethmba's life, as well as that of her family and her community, I think sponsoring has just as profoundly impacted my life, if not more. My heart is softer. My worldview is wider. My mindset has changed. My faith has grown. It has provided a wonderful opportunity to watch what God can do, and has made me more aware of what he is doing in the world every day.
I think I'm going to go read this latest letter a few more times. Next on the agenda will be to write one of my own. When I was a kid, I often dreamed of having a pen pal. I guess I got my wish.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
On living well and working hard.
I've blogged before about my constant need to be doing something, even if that something is having a conversation. Either my brain needs to be engaged, or my body needs to be employed in physical labor, otherwise I feel as though I will quickly go stir-crazy. This is why I rarely veg out in front of the TV (or even contemplate vegging out at all for that matter).
Even with this propensity for industry and exercise of my mental capabilities, sometime around a year ago, I felt an urge to be wiser with how I spent my time and energy doing. I seemed to continually end up doing my homework at the last minute, and it stressed me out. I made a concerted effort to make my homework even more of a priority than it had been (which explains why my room has largely been a disaster area for over a year, I told myself that in the face of writing papers and reading novels cleaning wasn't as important as I had normally held it to be). And I've done much better. I even began last semester doing extra homework, if you can imagine.
Despite these strides in the right direction, though, I have recently felt convicted about how I'm spending my time, how I'm living, what I'm doing with my life. Not just, "hey, you know I could probably be spending my time more wisely, so it might be good to think about that," but a really strong, Holy Spirit, "Hey, I'm trying to get your attention," kind of thing.
Not only have I felt like I can continue to improve in what I'm doing with my time, but also with the attention, care, and effort I put into whatever it is I happen to be doing. If I'm going to be doing something, I need to do it well. No halfway. To not really try is barely better than not trying at all, sometimes even worse in certain circumstances, and I don't need to be doing it.
This brings me to my intro to music class this semester. The word "easy" isn't a simple enough word to describe it, I don't think. I'm not sure what the appropriate word to describe it is. So I'll try many words.
When class is in session, I'm one of the only people who calls out answers to general answers he asks. For those who know how I usually am in a classroom setting, this is very telling. Also, I know just about every answer to all the general questions he asks. I seriously feel like Hermione Granger, except I'm not bouncing in my seat and shooting my hand up in the air so much. The standards of the assignments are unbelievably low. We had our first test this week. The extent of my studying was to casually read over the notes I took right before class, and I probably could have still made an A having not done that. There's been nothing to challenge me. The class is structured so that 1000 total points are needed over the course of the semester to get an A. On the syllabus, there are a possible 1300 points listed, and he's already been generously giving extra ones on top of what's listed, so I'm rather confident I'll have 1000 points rather quickly.
I guess this is what I get for taking a gen ed class during my last semester, particularly this one having been a music major/minor.
It's a struggle to engage in this class. There is little desire to try. We've had a few short essays we've had to write, and I'm pretty sure I could have just thrown something well below my ability up on the page, and have gotten full credit. And I almost did. It would be easier. I could get it done a little faster and move on to something else. I could elect to not read the textbook or listen to any of the songs outside of class, and I'm sure I'd probably still pass all the tests.
But that wouldn't be my best. It would be a shabby representation of who I am and what I can do, what value I place on the work given to me. I'm just three months from graduating. I should work like it. In just three months I'll have an English degree. I should write like it.
And so I shall go to class. And do all of my homework. Well. It'll be worth it.
Even with this propensity for industry and exercise of my mental capabilities, sometime around a year ago, I felt an urge to be wiser with how I spent my time and energy doing. I seemed to continually end up doing my homework at the last minute, and it stressed me out. I made a concerted effort to make my homework even more of a priority than it had been (which explains why my room has largely been a disaster area for over a year, I told myself that in the face of writing papers and reading novels cleaning wasn't as important as I had normally held it to be). And I've done much better. I even began last semester doing extra homework, if you can imagine.
Despite these strides in the right direction, though, I have recently felt convicted about how I'm spending my time, how I'm living, what I'm doing with my life. Not just, "hey, you know I could probably be spending my time more wisely, so it might be good to think about that," but a really strong, Holy Spirit, "Hey, I'm trying to get your attention," kind of thing.
Not only have I felt like I can continue to improve in what I'm doing with my time, but also with the attention, care, and effort I put into whatever it is I happen to be doing. If I'm going to be doing something, I need to do it well. No halfway. To not really try is barely better than not trying at all, sometimes even worse in certain circumstances, and I don't need to be doing it.
This brings me to my intro to music class this semester. The word "easy" isn't a simple enough word to describe it, I don't think. I'm not sure what the appropriate word to describe it is. So I'll try many words.
When class is in session, I'm one of the only people who calls out answers to general answers he asks. For those who know how I usually am in a classroom setting, this is very telling. Also, I know just about every answer to all the general questions he asks. I seriously feel like Hermione Granger, except I'm not bouncing in my seat and shooting my hand up in the air so much. The standards of the assignments are unbelievably low. We had our first test this week. The extent of my studying was to casually read over the notes I took right before class, and I probably could have still made an A having not done that. There's been nothing to challenge me. The class is structured so that 1000 total points are needed over the course of the semester to get an A. On the syllabus, there are a possible 1300 points listed, and he's already been generously giving extra ones on top of what's listed, so I'm rather confident I'll have 1000 points rather quickly.
I guess this is what I get for taking a gen ed class during my last semester, particularly this one having been a music major/minor.
It's a struggle to engage in this class. There is little desire to try. We've had a few short essays we've had to write, and I'm pretty sure I could have just thrown something well below my ability up on the page, and have gotten full credit. And I almost did. It would be easier. I could get it done a little faster and move on to something else. I could elect to not read the textbook or listen to any of the songs outside of class, and I'm sure I'd probably still pass all the tests.
But that wouldn't be my best. It would be a shabby representation of who I am and what I can do, what value I place on the work given to me. I'm just three months from graduating. I should work like it. In just three months I'll have an English degree. I should write like it.
And so I shall go to class. And do all of my homework. Well. It'll be worth it.
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